Democracy, Freedom, and Consanguinamory

Democracy, Freedom and Consanguinamory

 

Note: this article was written by Jane at consanguinamory.wordpress.com. I find it relevant to my site so with her permission i am posting it here. Thank you Jane, Cristina www.lilysgardener.com

Most people believe that democracy and freedom go hand in hand, and on the surface of it, that seems to be the case. After all, countries which operate under democratic principals are by and large far freer societies than those that do not. If you’re lucky enough to live in a country which operates as a democracy, you’re quite entitled to say, for instance, that you hate certain politicians with no fear of reprisals. Democracy at it’s core is supposed to be a government of the people, by the people, for the people. A lofty ideal, and good on paper even when it falls short in practice due to the inherent imperfections of our politicians on all points on the political spectrum.

This said, true democracy has but one serious flaw built into it; the risk of the tyranny of the majority. Such a system would undoubtedly oppress minorities needlessly, wouldn’t it? Of course it would, there is no other way for it to be without various checks and balances being put into place which would prevent just that from occurring.

It is for this reason that the concept of HUMAN RIGHTS exists, to act as that check and balance to ensure that the rights of minorities to practice alternative lifestyles are afforded. On paper, again it all looks very very good, all people have the right to a private life, a family life, and sexual autonomy. So, what’s that to do with us?

Well, actually EVERYTHING. We are one minority that this system has so far failed miserably. Anti-incest laws are still on the books, we are still institutionally discriminated against despite being a threat to nobody. In truth these laws are still in effect due to public opinion; the public find us disgusting. Is that not the tyranny of the majority?

My argument here is that human rights concepts ought be applied universally when dealing with minorities that are harmless. We’re probably the most misunderstood and demonised sexual minority on Earth, and as such we should be protected from the tyranny of the majority, not subjected to it by our own governments on the basis that people are disgusted.

How can any system SERIOUSLY claim to believe in and practice human rights when those rights extend only to those that are approved of by the majority? That’s not real human rights, that’s just accepting those that are approved of already and to hell with anyone else! Human rights is the gateway to freedom for ALL consenting adults to engage in whatever relationships they please, regardless of whether or not it is popular. We cannot expect everyone to like us, obviously, but we can expect our governments to quit persecuting our people and throwing us in jail. We can expect to be protected from harassment and bullying, unfair dismissal at work on the basis of such relationships…etc. In short we can and SHOULD expect to be treated with the same respect and dignity as any other group of people.

We’re certainly a democratic society, but are we a FREE society? On the basis that human rights seem to apply to some and not to all, I would have to conclude that NO, we’re actually not as free as we think we are. When consenting adults can be jailed simply for having a sexual relationship which is unpopular, what kind of society are we living in? Not the pleasant, tolerant and progressive one that most people seem to think that they live in that’s for certain.

We will win the fight against bigotry and hate, we just need to get enough people to see that we are normal people leading normal lives, not weirdos or perverts. We do not need to justify our relationships because love justifies itself. We will get society to realize that just because they personally find something disgusting, does not make it necessarily wrong for everyone. We are both need and deserve equal rights, and we will settle for nothing less.

 

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Note: I wrote an article about dealing with law enforcement in the USA, Jane wrote a similar article inspired by me to write one pertaining to people living in the UK. it comes from her website consanguinamory.wordpress.com I have pasted it here:

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This article is inspired by my friend Cristina, who wrote her article on how to deal with the law a little while back, although hers is on how to deal with the American police. In the UK the processes and laws are a bit different than how they are in America, although there are some similarities. I believe other European countries probably have similar processes when somebody is arrested that they do here, although the exact process in each country has to be checked. Actually, it’s sad that articles like this are even necessary, but the truth is that once in a while, people get caught.

When people are arrested, they are processed (booked into the cells and personal info taken) and they are automatically assigned a lawyer. If you can afford one, then you are allowed to choose a different lawyer privately. At the time of arrest, suspects are read their rights. The arresting officer will say “[insert name of suspect] I am arresting you under suspicion of [insert crime], you do not have to say anything, but anything you do say may be given in evidence”.

It is then the burden of the state to prove that you are in fact guilty of the crime that you are suspected of. This means that police are allowed to search your home, and take your computer…etc in a bid to find evidence. Meanwhile at the station, the police can question you. I would suggest to anyone who is arrested on suspicion of incest, simply say ‘no comment’ to any question that they ask you, no matter how emotionally provoking. The police may try to trick you into saying that your partner/relative has confessed… do not fall for this trap. Keep your cool and carry on with the ‘no comment’ responses. If you both do this, then there is no confession to go on. Also, if they cannot find any evidence at your home, then they are left with no evidence either.

I would suggest to anyone who is in such a relationship to follow these rules to avoid getting suspected in the first place. But if you do have the misfortune of being suspected, just no comment all interviews unless your lawyer instructs you to do otherwise, he or she would only do this if there is enough evidence for them to charge you. Also incinerate any used condoms and the like to ensure that there is no physical evidence present in your home. Remember, you do not have to prove your innocence, it is the state that must prove your guilt. If they cannot find sufficient evidence, and neither of you confess, then the police have no choice but to release you after 24 hours.

Open Letter to Kim and Ben

Notation : anyone who sees this letter, please post it on your blogs, websites, facebook, and anywhere else you can think of that might help this couple to find me. if you have friends willing to spread my message please thank them for me. Cristina.
Dear Kim and Ben,

I am a Legal Secretary and advocate for the rights of consenting adults to have love, sex, residence and marriage with any and all consenting adults.I have been following your story on the internet closely and I think it is absolutely awful that law enforcement has forced you into hiding.

I have experience with GSA so I completely understand what you both are going through. I congratulate you on finding love and happiness together.

Due to the oppressive laws that you both are forced to live and love under, I feel deeply for you and your situation.

If you are reading this, please know that you have a friend, ally, and advocate in me. I want to help you in any way I can. I would welcome contact and would do anything I could to help you.

Please check out my website www.lilysgardener.com

If you want to contact me completely confidentially, please email me at lilysgardener@protonmail.com

Kind Regards to you both, Cristina

A Mother and Son Find Love After Being Reunited

There has been a big stir on the internet about a mother who gave her son up for adoption just 1 week after he was born.
Now the woman, Kim, is 51, and her son, Ben is 32. When they were reunited, they developed GSA ( genetic sexual attraction). They are both obviously consenting adults. They live together now and reside in Michigan.When they met, Ben was married, and the attraction he felt for his biological mother was so strong that he was honest with himself and his wife and he got a divorce. In my opinion, he did what was right for him. He didn’t lie or cheat, he did everything honestly.

Now Ben and Kim are in a happy and loving relationship, and just like any other couple they want to get married and have children together. unfortunately, the law says that they are in violation of incest laws, and even though they are both consenting adults who are not hurting anyone, nor have there been any complaints to the authorities of abuse, they could be facing a 3rd degree felony, and 15 years in prison, simply for being together and having sex.

To me this is extremely unfair and a gross miscarriage of justice. They are not hurting anyone and the police need to leave them alone. There are more pressing issues the police need to spend their time investigating such as rape, pedophilia and violence. There is no good reason for the police to concern themselves with what consenting adults do within their own homes and bedrooms.

Their story is a classic story of GSA (genetic sexual attration). According to the British Medical Journal up to 50% of people who are reunited with family members after they are adults experience this phenomenon called Genetic Sexual Attraction. When family members are reunited later in life they can sometimes experience an overwhelming love and emotion, including sexual emotion towards each other. This is perfectly normal for these situations.

I hope with time, more studies will begin and an understanding of this phenomenon will help the public to realize that the police have no business getting involved in situations like this.

My very best wishes to Kim and Ben.

www.lilysgardener.com

I think My Family Member is in a Consanguinamorous Relationship, What Should I DO?

So, you think your adult family members are in an adult consensual incestuous relationship. I prefer to call this a consanguinamorous relationship. But whichever term you prefer, the situation is the same. What should i do?, you ask…. Well, the short answer is don’t do anything. I mean, they are adults, they are in a loving relationship, they are happy with each other. Why would you want to interfere? I am sure you wouldn’t want someone to interfere in your relationship.

But it’s gross you say? Well that’s ok if you think it’s gross. You may also think oral sex is gross, or anal sex is gross, or gay sex is gross, or sex between people of different races is gross. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But in each of the situations I just mentioned, You would not interfere, because all of these situations are protected under the law now. So just because you think it is gross does not give you the right to interfere just because you personally think something is gross.But adult consensual incest is illegal you say? Ok, currently consanguinamory is illegal in many places but not everywhere. 3 examples are New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Ohio. If you don’t believe me, just go have a look at the state statutes. It is illegal for your family members to get married, yes. But in those three states i listed, they are not breaking any laws by living together, loving each other, or having sex with each other. And as time changes, the laws will change too. It was not that long ago that it was illegal for different races to be together. It was not long ago that it was illegal for gay people to get married. Just because a law exists does not mean it should be enforced. Some laws really need to be changed. And any laws that seek to prevent adults that are in consensual relationships from being together definitely need to be changed.

But they could have deformed children you say? That argument is old and tired. The chances of deformities are minimal at best. There are many couples who are not related who carry recessive or dominant genes for dwarfism, Tay-Sachs, Club Foot syndrome, Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia, Downs Syndrome, and women over the age of 35. All of these things I just mentioned have a risk of being passed on to the genetic children, and we do not forbid people in these categories from reproducing. Just as we should not prevent people who are consanguinamorous from having children. This should be a personal choice that is the decision of the people involved.

What you SHOULD do is ask yourself the same things you would ask if your family member was in any other relationship. Are they abusive towards each other? Are they loving towards each other? Are they happy together? Are they hurting anyone by being together? By asking the same questions you would ask when you see any other people in relationships you will come to realize that your best course of action is not to interfere, but rather to be supportive. Or to be neutral. It really is none of your business. Just like your relationship, sex life, and happiness is nobody else’s business either.

I hope this post helps family members of consanguinamorous people to get some of their questions answered. If you have further questions or need to speak with me confidentially, please contact me through my “contact” page. I am more than happy to listen and assist if you need me.

www.lilysgardener.com

Incest Subjects Jailed Again

This is an article that is a follow up to the first article &quote Local mother, son face charges of incest. I am including the follow up link here :

Incest suspects jailed again

It appears that the couple bonded out of jail, but there was a no contact order which they supposedly violated. So now the couple has unfortunately been jailed yet again.

They have secured a public defender, (which probably won’t help them any since it’s not a private attorney). This is a terrible miscarriage of justice. These two consenting adults are not harming anyone. What they do in their bedroom is nobody’s business but their’s.

I hope in the future, they will receive a favorable outcome in the court system. I have included links to the articles in a small article links section on this page for those that wish to read the articles. And of course, I will continue to update about this case as it happens.

www.lilysgardener.com

Mother and Son Face Charges of Incest

mother and son face charges of incest
I came across a heartbreaking story about a mother and son who are both consenting adults. They are being prosecuted for being together. I have copied the link here :

Local mother, son face charges of incest

Basically, The couple met when both of them were adults. They fell in love and have been together. And now the authorities are poking their unneeded and unwelcome noses into the couples bedroom. I find this to be appalling. The couple are not hurting anyone. They are both adults, and are consenting to be with each other. The government has no right to get into this.

What a shame that law enforcement is wasting valuable resources prosecuting consenting adults, when their time and money would be much better spent prosecuting murderers, rapists, pedophiles and other violent criminals.

I will be following this case and posting updates as more news comes in.

www.lilysgardener.com

Huge Difference Between Consenting Adults and Abuse

When people hear the word “incest”, they automatically associate it with abuse. I would like to point out that rape, sex between an adult and a minor, sexual assault, coercion, forced marriage, and child abuse are all horrifying, and damaging to the victim. We have laws that are in place to help deter and prevent these abusive atrocities, and with good reason.
There is a huge difference between these horribly abusive acts, and sex between consenting adults though. Abusive atrocities deserve heavy penalties and prosecution to the full extent under the law. Sex between consenting adults should not be prosecuted, discriminated against or shamed for sharing love.If you are a victim of abuse, I want you to know that you are not alone. And that there are resources to help you heal from the abuse you have suffered. A few I will mention are HAVOCA (Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse), ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse), and several others. There are also counselors and psychiatrists in your area that you can google to find. There is no shame in seeking help when you have been a victim of abuse.

For anyone who is a consenting adult in a consensual relationship with another adult consenting family member, you are not alone either. And there is no shame in being in a healthy, happy and loving relationship, even if it is with another adult family member, or even if you are polyamorous and are in consenting relationships with more than one consenting adult.

Relationships between consenting adults whether it be monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, etc are beautiful. In today’s world, many families that fit the social norm suffer from physical, emotional abuse, estrangement, alienation, and divorce. It is sad that these things happen, but we cannot deny the fact that it is quite common. Just as people who are in unconventional relationships that are happy, loving, and are not abusive in any way should not be persecuted, but rather they should be accepted. I mean, as long as everyone is consenting and happy, and nobody is being abused, it is absurd to penalize, prosecute, and discriminate against them. Nor should society try and shame them or make them feel bad for loving another person. They are not hurting anyone.

www.lilysgardener.com

Consanguinamory and the Birth Defect Argument

There seem to be several common arguments about why people in consanguinamorous relationships should not be in these relationships. The one I am going to address in this post is the argument that incestuous or consanguinamorous couples should not be together or procreate due to the risk of birth defects.
First, I want to point out that just because consenting adults are having sex together does not mean that they plan to procreate. So procreation in itself is not a valid reason to keep consanguinamorous people from being together.Furthermore, all people carry recessive traits that can potentially cause birth defects in varying degrees. Some people carry more serious genetic issues than others. But we do not forbid these people from procreating. We do leave that very personal decision up to the individual.

Some examples of people who are at risk for passing on certain genetic defects to their future children include people who have Clubfoot Syndrome (talipes equinovarus), people with dwarfism, people with Tay-Sachs Disease, people with Sickle Cell trait or disease, people with Bipolar Disorder, people with Schizophrenia, and women over the age of 35. Absolutely none of the genetic issues I just mentioned have any type of law against the person with the issue having children. This choice is a personal choice. And it is the right of every individual to get the facts, assess the risks, and make informed decisions based on the information they collect.

It should not be any different for couples in consanguinamorous relationships either. Their rates of passing on genetic issues are no higher than any of the conditions I mentioned. In fact, their risk is considerably LOWER than several of the conditions I listed.

If you think someone should not have children based on their risk of passing on a genetic defect, ask yourself this: If I had one of these genetic issues, would I want someone else deciding whether I can have kids? Or would I want to make that decision myself?

Each person is entitled to live, love, and procreate as they see fit, as long as they are in non abusive relationships with consenting adults. This should be no different for consanguinamorous people.

www.lilysgardener.com

Do GSA Relationships Work?

There really isn’t a simple answer to what makes ANY relationship work for each individual. Since what works for one person, may not work for another.
Certainly, if there is physical or emotional abuse in ANY relationship then it is not a healthy relationship.Each individual needs to figure out what they want, and need in their own personal relationship whether it’s a heterosexual, homosexual, monogamous, poly, open relationship, or any other type of relationship. Different relationships work for different people. And that goes for anyone in a GSA relationship as well.

Ideally, if you know what works for you, and the person you are with, then with time, effort, love, communication, trust (basically the same things in any healthy relationship) then yes, a GSA relationship is no different than any other relationship between consenting adults.

GSA relationships are made more complicated by unneeded interference by bigots, and unjust laws, but I will save that for another blog post 😉

So to sum it up, YES!! GSA relationships can, and do work for some people.

www.lilysgardener.com