Open Letter to Kim and Ben

Notation : anyone who sees this letter, please post it on your blogs, websites, facebook, and anywhere else you can think of that might help this couple to find me. if you have friends willing to spread my message please thank them for me. Cristina.
Dear Kim and Ben,

I am a Legal Secretary and advocate for the rights of consenting adults to have love, sex, residence and marriage with any and all consenting adults.I have been following your story on the internet closely and I think it is absolutely awful that law enforcement has forced you into hiding.

I have experience with GSA so I completely understand what you both are going through. I congratulate you on finding love and happiness together.

Due to the oppressive laws that you both are forced to live and love under, I feel deeply for you and your situation.

If you are reading this, please know that you have a friend, ally, and advocate in me. I want to help you in any way I can. I would welcome contact and would do anything I could to help you.

Please check out my website www.lilysgardener.com

If you want to contact me completely confidentially, please email me at lilysgardener@protonmail.com

Kind Regards to you both, Cristina

A Mother and Son Find Love After Being Reunited

There has been a big stir on the internet about a mother who gave her son up for adoption just 1 week after he was born.
Now the woman, Kim, is 51, and her son, Ben is 32. When they were reunited, they developed GSA ( genetic sexual attraction). They are both obviously consenting adults. They live together now and reside in Michigan.When they met, Ben was married, and the attraction he felt for his biological mother was so strong that he was honest with himself and his wife and he got a divorce. In my opinion, he did what was right for him. He didn’t lie or cheat, he did everything honestly.

Now Ben and Kim are in a happy and loving relationship, and just like any other couple they want to get married and have children together. unfortunately, the law says that they are in violation of incest laws, and even though they are both consenting adults who are not hurting anyone, nor have there been any complaints to the authorities of abuse, they could be facing a 3rd degree felony, and 15 years in prison, simply for being together and having sex.

To me this is extremely unfair and a gross miscarriage of justice. They are not hurting anyone and the police need to leave them alone. There are more pressing issues the police need to spend their time investigating such as rape, pedophilia and violence. There is no good reason for the police to concern themselves with what consenting adults do within their own homes and bedrooms.

Their story is a classic story of GSA (genetic sexual attration). According to the British Medical Journal up to 50% of people who are reunited with family members after they are adults experience this phenomenon called Genetic Sexual Attraction. When family members are reunited later in life they can sometimes experience an overwhelming love and emotion, including sexual emotion towards each other. This is perfectly normal for these situations.

I hope with time, more studies will begin and an understanding of this phenomenon will help the public to realize that the police have no business getting involved in situations like this.

My very best wishes to Kim and Ben.

www.lilysgardener.com

I think My Family Member is in a Consanguinamorous Relationship, What Should I DO?

So, you think your adult family members are in an adult consensual incestuous relationship. I prefer to call this a consanguinamorous relationship. But whichever term you prefer, the situation is the same. What should i do?, you ask…. Well, the short answer is don’t do anything. I mean, they are adults, they are in a loving relationship, they are happy with each other. Why would you want to interfere? I am sure you wouldn’t want someone to interfere in your relationship.

But it’s gross you say? Well that’s ok if you think it’s gross. You may also think oral sex is gross, or anal sex is gross, or gay sex is gross, or sex between people of different races is gross. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But in each of the situations I just mentioned, You would not interfere, because all of these situations are protected under the law now. So just because you think it is gross does not give you the right to interfere just because you personally think something is gross.But adult consensual incest is illegal you say? Ok, currently consanguinamory is illegal in many places but not everywhere. 3 examples are New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Ohio. If you don’t believe me, just go have a look at the state statutes. It is illegal for your family members to get married, yes. But in those three states i listed, they are not breaking any laws by living together, loving each other, or having sex with each other. And as time changes, the laws will change too. It was not that long ago that it was illegal for different races to be together. It was not long ago that it was illegal for gay people to get married. Just because a law exists does not mean it should be enforced. Some laws really need to be changed. And any laws that seek to prevent adults that are in consensual relationships from being together definitely need to be changed.

But they could have deformed children you say? That argument is old and tired. The chances of deformities are minimal at best. There are many couples who are not related who carry recessive or dominant genes for dwarfism, Tay-Sachs, Club Foot syndrome, Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia, Downs Syndrome, and women over the age of 35. All of these things I just mentioned have a risk of being passed on to the genetic children, and we do not forbid people in these categories from reproducing. Just as we should not prevent people who are consanguinamorous from having children. This should be a personal choice that is the decision of the people involved.

What you SHOULD do is ask yourself the same things you would ask if your family member was in any other relationship. Are they abusive towards each other? Are they loving towards each other? Are they happy together? Are they hurting anyone by being together? By asking the same questions you would ask when you see any other people in relationships you will come to realize that your best course of action is not to interfere, but rather to be supportive. Or to be neutral. It really is none of your business. Just like your relationship, sex life, and happiness is nobody else’s business either.

I hope this post helps family members of consanguinamorous people to get some of their questions answered. If you have further questions or need to speak with me confidentially, please contact me through my “contact” page. I am more than happy to listen and assist if you need me.

www.lilysgardener.com

Incest Subjects Jailed Again

This is an article that is a follow up to the first article &quote Local mother, son face charges of incest. I am including the follow up link here :

Incest suspects jailed again

It appears that the couple bonded out of jail, but there was a no contact order which they supposedly violated. So now the couple has unfortunately been jailed yet again.

They have secured a public defender, (which probably won’t help them any since it’s not a private attorney). This is a terrible miscarriage of justice. These two consenting adults are not harming anyone. What they do in their bedroom is nobody’s business but their’s.

I hope in the future, they will receive a favorable outcome in the court system. I have included links to the articles in a small article links section on this page for those that wish to read the articles. And of course, I will continue to update about this case as it happens.

www.lilysgardener.com

Mother and Son Face Charges of Incest

mother and son face charges of incest
I came across a heartbreaking story about a mother and son who are both consenting adults. They are being prosecuted for being together. I have copied the link here :

Local mother, son face charges of incest

Basically, The couple met when both of them were adults. They fell in love and have been together. And now the authorities are poking their unneeded and unwelcome noses into the couples bedroom. I find this to be appalling. The couple are not hurting anyone. They are both adults, and are consenting to be with each other. The government has no right to get into this.

What a shame that law enforcement is wasting valuable resources prosecuting consenting adults, when their time and money would be much better spent prosecuting murderers, rapists, pedophiles and other violent criminals.

I will be following this case and posting updates as more news comes in.

www.lilysgardener.com

Huge Difference Between Consenting Adults and Abuse

When people hear the word “incest”, they automatically associate it with abuse. I would like to point out that rape, sex between an adult and a minor, sexual assault, coercion, forced marriage, and child abuse are all horrifying, and damaging to the victim. We have laws that are in place to help deter and prevent these abusive atrocities, and with good reason.
There is a huge difference between these horribly abusive acts, and sex between consenting adults though. Abusive atrocities deserve heavy penalties and prosecution to the full extent under the law. Sex between consenting adults should not be prosecuted, discriminated against or shamed for sharing love.If you are a victim of abuse, I want you to know that you are not alone. And that there are resources to help you heal from the abuse you have suffered. A few I will mention are HAVOCA (Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse), ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse), and several others. There are also counselors and psychiatrists in your area that you can google to find. There is no shame in seeking help when you have been a victim of abuse.

For anyone who is a consenting adult in a consensual relationship with another adult consenting family member, you are not alone either. And there is no shame in being in a healthy, happy and loving relationship, even if it is with another adult family member, or even if you are polyamorous and are in consenting relationships with more than one consenting adult.

Relationships between consenting adults whether it be monogamous, polyamorous, polygamous, etc are beautiful. In today’s world, many families that fit the social norm suffer from physical, emotional abuse, estrangement, alienation, and divorce. It is sad that these things happen, but we cannot deny the fact that it is quite common. Just as people who are in unconventional relationships that are happy, loving, and are not abusive in any way should not be persecuted, but rather they should be accepted. I mean, as long as everyone is consenting and happy, and nobody is being abused, it is absurd to penalize, prosecute, and discriminate against them. Nor should society try and shame them or make them feel bad for loving another person. They are not hurting anyone.

www.lilysgardener.com

Consanguinamory and the Birth Defect Argument

There seem to be several common arguments about why people in consanguinamorous relationships should not be in these relationships. The one I am going to address in this post is the argument that incestuous or consanguinamorous couples should not be together or procreate due to the risk of birth defects.
First, I want to point out that just because consenting adults are having sex together does not mean that they plan to procreate. So procreation in itself is not a valid reason to keep consanguinamorous people from being together.Furthermore, all people carry recessive traits that can potentially cause birth defects in varying degrees. Some people carry more serious genetic issues than others. But we do not forbid these people from procreating. We do leave that very personal decision up to the individual.

Some examples of people who are at risk for passing on certain genetic defects to their future children include people who have Clubfoot Syndrome (talipes equinovarus), people with dwarfism, people with Tay-Sachs Disease, people with Sickle Cell trait or disease, people with Bipolar Disorder, people with Schizophrenia, and women over the age of 35. Absolutely none of the genetic issues I just mentioned have any type of law against the person with the issue having children. This choice is a personal choice. And it is the right of every individual to get the facts, assess the risks, and make informed decisions based on the information they collect.

It should not be any different for couples in consanguinamorous relationships either. Their rates of passing on genetic issues are no higher than any of the conditions I mentioned. In fact, their risk is considerably LOWER than several of the conditions I listed.

If you think someone should not have children based on their risk of passing on a genetic defect, ask yourself this: If I had one of these genetic issues, would I want someone else deciding whether I can have kids? Or would I want to make that decision myself?

Each person is entitled to live, love, and procreate as they see fit, as long as they are in non abusive relationships with consenting adults. This should be no different for consanguinamorous people.

www.lilysgardener.com

Do GSA Relationships Work?

There really isn’t a simple answer to what makes ANY relationship work for each individual. Since what works for one person, may not work for another.
Certainly, if there is physical or emotional abuse in ANY relationship then it is not a healthy relationship.Each individual needs to figure out what they want, and need in their own personal relationship whether it’s a heterosexual, homosexual, monogamous, poly, open relationship, or any other type of relationship. Different relationships work for different people. And that goes for anyone in a GSA relationship as well.

Ideally, if you know what works for you, and the person you are with, then with time, effort, love, communication, trust (basically the same things in any healthy relationship) then yes, a GSA relationship is no different than any other relationship between consenting adults.

GSA relationships are made more complicated by unneeded interference by bigots, and unjust laws, but I will save that for another blog post 😉

So to sum it up, YES!! GSA relationships can, and do work for some people.

www.lilysgardener.com

Consanguinamory

Consanguinamory is a word coined by Full Marriage Equality. it means someone who shares love, sex or both with another genetic relative. Some people call it consensual incest. Consanguinamory, although rarely discussed, happens quite often. Around 50% of adoptees experience it. You yourself probably know someone in a consanguinamorous relationship, even if you don’t know about them. In most countries consanguinamory is illegal. Therefore two consenting adults that happen to be related by blood, and are having consensual sex can face severe persecution and prosecution. In the United States almost every state has laws banning consensual incest among adults. And the penalties in these states range from 7 years to life in prison. People who rape, murder, rob, assault or commit other horrible crimes, get a much lesser penalty than couples who simply love each other, want to be together, and have sex with each other. These laws are ridiculous.
There are two common ways that consanguinous relationships can happen. The first is the lack of the Westermarck effect. Westermarck is where family members who have grown up together develop a sexual indifference or even an aversion to their other relatives sexually. But in some cases the westermarck effect didn’t kick in or was weak and so consanguinamorous relationships were made possible.The other common way consanguinous relationships can happen is with something called Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). When relatives are separated for long periods of time, like with adoption, then when they meet later in life GSA can happen. They commonly experience very strong emotional feelings towards each other. they may feel drawn to that person. They may feel so strongly in their feelings that they feel “obsessed”. Most people feel attracted to people that look like themselves. When they see shared features and traits in the other person, it just reinforces their attraction. Let me reassure you that all these feelings and emotions are normal and sometimes overwhelming. You are not sick or perverted for having these feelings. And if the other person reciprocates the feelings, these relationships have the potential to be the most intense, satisfying, honest, and healthy relationships in the world.

if you or someone you love is in one of these relationships, please don’t judge them. Just be happy that they found love, happiness, and contentment in their relationship.

www.lilysgardener.com

Consconanguinamory and the Police

When people are in consanguinamorous relationships, they must sometimes deal with the police unfortunately. So this article will cover how to deal with the USA law enforcement when they come to your house. This will not cover traffic stops or anything outside the home.
You may wonder how it would come about that the police might come knocking on your door. There are several scenarios in which this could happen. Some possibilities include a neighbor becoming suspicious of your relationship and calling the police. Or an ex lover may start to suspect, or know about your relationship and call the police. Or a teacher may become suspicious if your child accidentally says something without knowing they are incriminating you. Or you may mention your situation to your trusted Doctor and then the doctor breaks confidentiality and calls the authorities. Any of the scenarios I just mentioned could lead to the police knocking on your door to question you or investigate you.One of the biggest mistakes people make in this situation is to open the door and to answer the questions the police ask. DO NOT admit to your relationship if you live in a state where adult consensual incest is illegal. You may assume that if you reassure the police that both of you are adults and are both consenting to incestuous sex that the police will go away. This is NOT true in most places, and you are incriminating yourself by admitting to your relationship. So rule number 1 never never never admit to a sexual relationship with your relative. Deny deny deny is ALWAYS the best course of action if you have already answered the door. The police need proof to bring charges. Do not give them proof by admitting to anything.

Another thing most people do not know is that if the police knock on your door, you DO NOT have to answer the door at all. Once you make the mistake of opening the door, the police are going to want to pressure you into inviting them inside your house. The police are like vampires, they cannot come inside without a search warrant unless they are invited. They will use all sorts of scare tactics, intimidation, and threats to get you to invite them in so they can have a look around. Just ignore the door. If the police have a search warrant, then they can bust the door down and come in without your permission. If they knock and they do not have a search warrant, then they will knock and pound on the door and if you ignore them, they will go away eventually. You are under no obligation to open the door just because it is the police that are knocking.

If you make the mistake of opening the door for them, they can use dirty tricks like wedging their foot in the door so you cannot close it again. So it is always best to ignore the knocking. But if you do happen to make the mistake of opening the door, then the questions will begin. As soon as they ask you the first question, the best thing to do is ignore the question, and ask them for their search warrant. If they do not have one, then the next thing you should do is say the magic words, I want my attorney present before you question me on anything. These magic words will cause the police to stop all questions until your attorney is present to assist you.

If the police persist after you say this, then I highly recommend you begin recording their behavior. Grab your phone and activate the camera. Let them know that you are recording the conversation or filming it. This will usually discourage them from terrorizing you further at your residence. It is amazing how well they behave when they know they are being recorded. This is a very powerful tool and you should always utilize recording options when they are available to you.

It is unfortunate that the police in the USA are like a terrorist organization in itself. The police will always stick together, and they are not here to help you. They can bully you, lie to you, intimidate you, and threaten you and this behavior is perfectly acceptable to them.

So knowing all of this, NEVER open the door when the police come knocking. NEVER admit to your relationship with your family member. NEVER answer any questions without your attorney present. And ALWAYS record their behavior when you come into contact with them. By taking these precautions, you can keep you and your family safe from being terrorized by the police.

Good luck and be safe everyone. And remember THE POLICE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!!!

www.lilysgardener.com